Taking Action, Ready or Not

This is my first blog post.  I've been thinking about writing a blog for years and have never felt prepared to start. I still don't feel prepared, but I am no longer willing to put it off.  Call me impulsive, but today I decided to take action, ready or not.

My intention is that with time and practice this blog will evolve and become a place where I share different aspects of my life. My hope is that the small insights and tweaks I make will lead to shifts in awareness and that those shifts will then lead to new choices, new, and exciting directions. 

Today I am living the results of tweaks and choices I’ve made in the past and I want to write it all down and examine where I’ve been, and how I got here.  I want to be a witness to my own life and makes sense of this path I am on.

Today I woke up late; I intentionally missed my weekly Weight Watchers (WW) meeting. While still in bed I pointed the remote at the t.v. and punched in 220 to locate OWN (Oprah's channel). Oprah and Iyanla sat center stage speaking to a woman about releasing her guilt, suggesting that she would no longer be stuck if she made the choice to forgive herself for getting into a car with her kids, while drunk, and causing an accident that nearly killed her daughter. My mind wandered, I could not relate. The conversation didn't seem to have much to do with me.  Then, the camera moved to a woman with a beautiful face and smile. I was surprised when she told Iyanla and Oprah that she too was stuck.  The beautiful woman smiled into the camera and shyly confessed that she weighs 300 pounds!

This beautiful woman got my attention.  Via Skype her computer camera strategically showed only her face.  She talked briefly about her obsession with food and her powerlessness over food.  Both Iyanla and Oprah responded, telling this woman that food is her replacement for love.  They talked about how women who did not receive the love they needed from their father tended to substitute food for the love and nurturing they did not receive as little girls.  This resonated deep within me and tears stung my eyes. 

Once again I was reminded that losing weight was not just about counting calories or points and daily exercise.  The weight issue is so much more complex.  Ironically, I too am stuck; I have been following the Weight Watcher’s plan since September and have managed to lose 20 pounds fairly easily.  I succeeded through food-laden holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas and even through my trip to California for my daughter’s wedding.  But then, just when I got within 5 pounds of being below 200 pounds I got stuck.  In the past month I have lost and gained the same pound week after week.  No amount of desire to be thin and to reach my goals seems to help. Yesterday, I had decided the problem was the leader at the WW meetings.  She was not inspirational enough, and I convinced myself that I need a new meeting, maybe on a different day.  This is why I was home watching Super Soul Sunday instead of attending the WW meeting this morning. 

Oprah recommended to the woman that she read Geneen Roth’s books; When Food is Love and Women, Food, and God.  I’ve read both books… but maybe I need to read them again.